A Great Welcome Back!

My creativity has seemed to have slipped from me with all of these frustrations in my life at the moment called, College.
Before the ranting, I must say I have amazing friends and it is the start of Winter Break. Bring it. No more frustrations, I'll deal with it January 6, 2010!
Some Photos for your entertainment;



Working on my Final Project.



Finished Product.



So this past Thursday I hung out with some old friends and had a lovely time over some yummy Chipotle Burritos..



Noelle & I at Steak N' Shake



Christian :)

*People who we hung out with that I did not put up their photos are: Matt Kaplan, Matt Keller & DJ, hah!

Well this is all that I have for now!
Keep on returning for now more recent updates!

xoxo,

domi

For Ava.

For Sheye;



Happy Birthday Ava.


You are beauty full inside and out and I'm thinking of you everyday.


Love,

Dominique

Looking Out.

If anyone didn't already know this past weekend was rough, getting surgery & stitches is not good for a girl like me. But I was drugged up and numb so it was all good at the same time, lol
With the weekend behind me as a faint memory I am taking on each day as it comes.
Classes are almost over and that is something to really look forward to! Although class start again on the 24th, I am trying to get some time in with all my friends before I try to kill myself during Fall semester. I will miss the ones that are leaving and try my best to keep the connection with the ones who are still here.
I am going to apply to UCF and UF at the end of this month because like they say, the earlier the better! Depending on who accepts me I will go there.
I know I said in a previous post that I wanted to be a Psychologist and get my PhD, but is that what I really really want? I have no clue. At this point I feel like I am floating on water and just going with the motions. I seriously need to get back on track and focus on what I want.
A Psychologist, a Preschool teacher, a Photographer (that is what I WILL be).
Meh, if I stick to what I already planned then life will be much easier.

Anyway, I know it's quite boring whenever I write things that may seem uninteresting to others I will stop here and continue on with another blog post, sometime hopefully very soon!



My Brother & I 10 hours after surgery, lol



Trevor, lol I love his shirt!



Me at Borders with Trevor



That mini photo-shoot I did today, one of the photos I took. My cousins say I look like my Mom or Aunt. lol



Me during a different photo-shoot. Musicophilia has got my brain wrapped up in Neurology.



Me & Patrick after the crew meeting



Katie wayteee & I



Trevor Beaw & I :]



Me & Nys, I was pretending to be as short as she is lol
I'm only 2 inches taller :P

*Please note that in above pictures with me in my work clothes my face was still swollen lol since this was Sunday morning.

xoxo,

domi

Best I ever had- Drake.

Maybe one day I'll be appreciated and told how I'm the best, the best he's ever had.
Hell, I'm the only girl he's ever been with, I still hope I'm the best he's ever had.


xoxo,

domi

Day # 5 & Finally a Diagnosis.

Everyone who is close to me (or follows me on Twitter/Facebook) has known that I have been sick since Monday. And the pain I have been in has sucked so badly that I couldn't take on the symptoms of the flu any longer. So today I called my Mom and she recommended that I go to the Walgreens walk-in clinic since the Pediatrics Center was closed. Wait a minute! Walgreens has a clinic?! Yes indeed they do. At first I was quite skeptical of the whole thing, it sounded like some sort of weird back alley type of place. But, Walgreens is pretty clean and neat plus they are very good at taking care of their customers in the Pharmacy area. So, my Dad took me and I signed in and gave all the information that they needed until the Doctor called me in. The Doctor was amazing nice & very easy to talk to about what was wrong with me, her name is Jennifer so I called her "Dr. Jennifer" lol. Dr. Jennifer automatically knew what was wrong with me right after she asked me the basic questions of "How long have you been sick?" "What are your symptoms?" and she asked me a couple of questions of her own.
After a couple of tests the Diagnosis was that I have Conjunctivitis as well as Acute Pharyngitis. Joy! Now I will be unable to work for the rest of the weekend and my Dad has decided to keep me couped up in my room! That way I don't get him sick at all! Haha, at first I wasn't too thrilled of the idea because my room felt nasty and gross, plus I had clothes piled up in a corner in the laundry basket by my closet. But when I got home I had this sudden urge to clean and make everything smell nice. Plus, my Dad bought this new Lysol that kills Flu viruses that smells nice, as well as buying me some soup cans and Baby Shampoo (I'll explain why in a minute). I packed all of my clothes away, threw my sheets and other dirty clothes in the laundry, changed everything and sprayed out my room 10x and maybe more with the Lysol! I breathed in the clean fresh air and looked around quite satisfied with the results. I had to then put the eye drops I was prescribed for in my left eye (where the pink eye set itself in) The doctor made me place a hot wet towel on my eye for 15 minutes before I place the eye drops in because she wanted the drops to flow freely and quickly into the pores of my eye lashes. Oh and that baby shampoo I had talked about before, I have to clean my eye lashes before I do all that as well. Thank God for the tear Free baby shampoo or else I would have freaked out! Well anyway, the eye drops are going to prevent the gunky stuff that has been seeping through my eyeball every morning (thank God) and hopefully I will see relief and less swelling in the next 24 hours. Now I have this cough medicine I should take but I was holding off till this post was done since it says I'll be dizzy after I take it. I doubt it but we'll see how it goes once I take it.
Besides that, I'm just watching Twilight right now (some of you may cringe, haha) and I will keep you all updated with my progress later on! Till then..bye bye!

xoxo,

domi

Trying to find my way...

This blog post is way past overdue and I apologize for keeping those who do read this waiting for so long. Summer A finally finished last week Wednesday and Summer B begins on Monday. Biology and that P.E./Health class will hopefully be fun.
Besides that I've been hanging out a lot with my friends with a mix of working and going to school. I must say that having a car really is great because you never miss a beat with anyone. Life is good, and I still feel incomplete somewhat. I feel like I am missing something or someone in my life and I can't put my finger on it. Do I know what I want? Of course not... Do I like what I have? Yes I sure do...
I just don't know what I'm searching for and I wish I had something or someone to fill in that empty void. Maybe it's loneliness that I am sensing that is creeping up on me in some way, but this feeling makes me feel confused and unsure of anything. I guess I'll figure it out sooner if not later.

Lately I've been wanting to write a story just like my friend Trevor has been doing for awhile now, that way I can write what's on my mind in fictional form to help me cope with all these problems that bother me so much, or things that make me happy.

These self conflicts really don't get solved with other conflicting opinions from others who have been in the same position as me, I guess this is my transition from 'Girl' to 'Woman' and I don't feel ready yet, my birthday may seem like it's far away but it's just around the corner in my head. 20 just seems so old. It makes me sad and it makes me miss my teenage years of making mistakes and being able to only worry about myself rather than having real world responsibilities. That's why I've been trying to live it up now and end my teenage years with a real bang! I hope my 20th birthday is at least going to be memorable, haha.

Now back to more interesting stuff besides my insane crazy growing up worries.
Trevor and I hang out a lot more than we used to and I am so glad I found a friend in a boy like him. Finally, someone who can take the words I say of anything good, bad, silly, ridiculous, break it down, tear it apart(in a realistic way) and help me analyze what I do, which has helped me so much in understanding me and who I am and how I react to certain situations. Now without another view in the things I say then I would just never grow from things I dwell on. He is the realist and I am the idealist, he's a great friend and when he reads this he better know that he's special. It's no wonder Sarah loves this boy so much, he is pretty much awesome in a package.

Anyway, I've been thinking about going for the whole Disney College Program again, but this time I am not going to audition to be a performer. I will just go for something that suits me just fine and dancing in a hot sweaty suit isn't for me. God has something better for me and I just have to patient about it.

I think this is going to be the end of this blog.
The next post might be a story, not sure yet but you'll find out.

Yesterday was an amazing day with friends;;


Me, DJ, Noelle and Seth(not photographed) hehe


xoXo,

domi

Fascination of the way we feel.

Today didn't seem to start off as a good day as I opened my eyes to see the clock strike 11:26AM, in a hurry and a panic I rushed and threw on whatever clothes my hands grabbed at in my bureau and I rushed out of the house- bag in hand. I never sped to class as fast as I could as I did today. I had a math test starting at 12 noon and I wasn't sure I was going to make it. But sure enough, mildly speeding- still obeying the law I caught every green light and made it to school at exactly 12 noon. I ran up the stairs, swung open the door and saw my professor going over one of the math equations that some student asked about, I assumed. I scanned the room to see if my seat was available, the third row, 5th seat back. No, someone was sitting in my seat, but there was an empty seat available in that same row, that explained why my seat was taken. The girl didn't want to sit in the front today, I assumed. After my professor stopped talking, he instructed that we put everything away (except for a pencil of course & a graphing calculator). He handed me 7 papers that I passed back to the rest of my classmates and stared down at my test and began working.
I rose my head up about an hour and 15 minutes later, I don't remember what I was thinking at this time except for that I didn't think I did one of the problems right but it was a thought that was soon canceled out. I handed my professor my test and he handed me my quiz from the previous day. 3.75% out of 4 questions. I missed .25% on the last question. Professor B. smiled at me and mumbled a "good job". I made my way back to my seat, grabbed my bag and left still staring at my quiz. It seemed that I made a silly error and forgot to carry over the negative sign to my final product. I felt disappointment but then decided it wasn't something I should be down on.
I walked around campus looking for a snack machine since I hadn't eaten that morning due to my rush out the door. I had found a vending machine around the same building that my next class would be in. I settled for some Lays chips and coke. After I got back my 75 cents I walked back to my car, rolled down the windows and ate my snack in silence. I stared at the clock and saw that it was 1:45pm. Class would soon start in 15 minutes, my Psychology class. So I rolled up my windows, turned off my car and got out and locked it. As I started to walk back to class I looked up at the sky and hoped that today would be a good day. And it was.

Once class ended I walked out as confident as I ever was going in. The sun started to shine even though in the far West of the sky the dark rain clouds loomed over. I felt like I wanted to skip to my car but I decided against it. As I sat myself back in my car I left campus and searched for a gas station. Playing The Offspring as loud as I could in my car I sang along. I thought of all the good things that would happen to me if I went ahead with my future plans. I stopped at a red light and texted my Mom, "I was thinking of doing a psychology major and might wanna go for a phd. What do you think?"
I smiled as I thought of it more. The light turned green and I continued to drive.

As I closed in down my street towards my house I noticed that no one was home, that put a damper on my mood, I was so excited to tell my Dad about my new found love for Psychology. I pulled into the drive way, as I opened up my car door I looked up at the sky again hoping that it would rain. I slammed my car door and walked up the steps to the front door, I found my house key on my key chain and unlocked the door. I walked in and a dropped all of my books in my bedroom and went straight to my computer. I decided to start my Psychology assignment on which field of Psychology I would prefer...




xoxo

Domi

Just take me as I am.

Warning: This post is very long, it took me about an hour to get everything off my chest.


Today was a good day, I guess. I tend to realize so much after I've been so deep in what one would call a "dream".
I did all the things any annoying couple would do; have tickle fights on the couch, garden outside, play basketball in a pool, hold hands, watch TV, bicker a bit, watch a movie on the couch with friends, feed his kitty...
Maybe I do too much, yet I feel like everything I do isn't enough. I am always striving to keep the person I find so important to me above myself and everyone else when I shouldn't...
I did it before last year when I was so determined to have a boy love me, and all I was doing was trying to get them, when they never fought for me. It was like they were giving me up. I don't want to be someone people give up on. Just because you get the girl, doesn't mean that you can chain her to a tree and walk away. I am not your pet to come home to when you are lonely. I am lonely too, and I try to keep you happy, make you want to stay with me and love me in hopes that the feeling will be reciprocated. It is...to an extent. Maybe I'm so deep in the dream that I don't want it all to fade away, I don't want to dream a new dream. I am comfortable where I am and I don't want to re-learn new feelings and try to be comfortable with something new. I don't want something new. I just want to change what I have now to something that's more than what it is.
In the beginning there was so much passion, so much fight, so much want, the thrill of being wanted and loved is what made me fall in love in the first place. The words, the comfort I had, the friend I found who loved me for me I finally had. But as I walked through the door of my desires I felt as though it shouldn't matter if my feelings were being reciprocated. The theory was you give 50% and get 50% back. That's not true, I lived by one rule and one rule only: give 100 and expect nothing. But that has been taking a toll on my heart. I know I have been given so much, but the more I realize it, the dumber I feel. I feel like I've been brain washed into this feeling that I can give, give and give yet he gives the same when clearly it's not. I do so much, but I am not rewarded for it. It's just another day, a normal day, where I come to see him. I am the one trying to keep the relationship alive by doing new things together. Taking him to lunch, or to the spa, or having surprise picnics in a park. I feel like we do the same things all the time and I do so much that I neglect my family. I come home usually at 12am or 1am... kiss them goodnight and then wake up the next morning and head on over to see Matt.
When I come home I'm in la la land, and then I don't want to be home because I feel like the people around me don't like me as much, so I go running back to Matt and I can never stand on my own two feet.
I hate trying to convince myself that nothing is wrong in this relationship, nothing is. I just am never getting what I give back. It has nothing to do with money, it just has to do with how much you love me, you'd show me.
Love letters and flowers you picked out of your garden is fine with me, cookies you baked last night is all I need. Because I know you love me.
Or I think you do.
I've been told that you love me the way you tell me, but it's always a "when are you coming over to see me?" I try, I really do. I call you all the time, I text you all the time. I'm just not remembered throughout your day, yet you tell me you thought of me. I would love to be recognized of my existence throughout my day, it makes me happy to have those little reminders that you love me. Yet, you wait for me to call because that's all I do. And while you wait, I am waiting as well. Yet I am the one who caves and calls you because I am the one who is so attached, I miss you.

I must be terrible, I must be punished because I am doing these things all backwards. Because I am the one doing the things that a boyfriend should be doing to ME!
Documenting the memories, surprising me with the things I love, giving me what I love dear...surprise visits at night to watch a movie, making plans to see me, never minding the trip, not complaining to me about how you waste gas to see me because it is never a WASTE to see the girl you love.

There are so many boys who talk to me, pursue me, fight for me, and I push them all away because I am talking and pursuing and fighting for a boy who tells me he loves me. Now that I see the whole picture and remember the words that were said, Matt once told me that he doesn't or shouldn't fight for me because I should know where my heart is at. It's upsetting but then he tries to convince me that that's the way it should be. So I feel stupid that I even thought about it in the first place. Yet he gets so jealous when a boy talks to me and compliments me on how nice I am or how pretty I am.
And even as I type this, I am realizing that Matt does all those things for me but when you look at it Matt gives his 50% but I give my 110% in it.
Nothing is ever divided when it comes to me, it is never a "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" deal. I never mind if I do something with nothing in return. It never bothered me until I noticed it, I am warring with myself if I should just go back to the way things were and not voice it. But I am settling for just having this blog and to vent my feelings to. I don't want to start trouble in my relationship because in the end I'll just be blamed and then I'll feel bad for thinking of these "stupid" things. But what can I do? There is no one that has ever made me feel like I was special...well, just one person did.

There I go again, rethinking this whole thing over one hour later.

The normal love;



The normal games that we play that makes me laugh so hard that I can hardly breathe after wards because it was just that much fun;;




xoxo,

domi

Tearing at wounds.

There is always so much happiness on the outside in a world where it seems that no one cares...
But deep inside the soul of the human heart we feel emotion we can never express...words can't even describe the feeling deep in my heart. Only the looks I give and the way I can show it through body language can describe it...

I feel so sad for those who cry in their way to find an escape, or even the ones who get angry because they can't find the tears...
I feel like I'm tearing at a healing wound, yet my wound is too great. I hold too many things so dear to me and I feel like I shouldn't even do such a thing. I always get hurt in one way or another and then the scar links to other pains in my heart.
I just don't even want to talk about it right now.
I just hate how things never come to me and that life has to be so hard for me.
Yes I am feeling sorry for myself.

Leaving my Fingerprints.

I think a lot on what my future is going to be, and I really hope that I leave a lasting impression on the world with the way I find life. Even though in my opinion life can be trying and difficult, we can't forget the moments that make us smile and laugh. As human beings we are blessed with the ability to love and care for others where as I don't see any other creature to do so besides some animals...
In the end we have to realize that no one is going to remember nor care for you building that incredible data base for the Government, or being the first person on Earth that was sent into Outer Space, or even the first person to make a giant pizza. It will all be about the impressions we have made on other people and the lasting legacy of human kindness and compassion. If we continue to show our love and grow, we will teach other generations the same. But as for now, I'm leaving my fingerprints in the end with my photography that may not last, but the memory will be engraved forever till we die.



One silly photo of me laughing for my 365 not sure which number this is...I have a TON I need to upload, I'm just really bad at not thinking of what to write...
Anyway, this photo is from the "Bucket-Head Series" that will soon be posted on Facebook for those who want to see.

:-)


xoxo,

domi

The Human Heart...

How are you supposed to feel?
How am I supposed to heal?
I just don't understand anything anymore...
How can I be so special? How can I be loved? How can I be hated? How can the things I love get ripped away from me and then punish me for not being able to see them again?!
I don't understand it...
Why do these things happen to me? For as long as I can remember the things/people I am fond of walk away from me or fly away from me...

Don't tell me that I am the best or I am loved because I am not to others! I feel like I have to serve in order to please, and when I displease someone I am forever tortured by the memories they left on my heart...
The pain is internal, sometimes I feel like my heart is bleeding, breaking and breathing is difficult...
I don't want to live in a world of only memories, I want to feel it, embrace it, understand it.
Why are you so far away?! Come back! - I want to scream so you can hear me!
Why does the pain have to be so hard to bear?! Why, why, WHY?!

..all I know is that this is not a goodbye...

It's always a see you later...


xoxo..

domi..

Reflection

Life through a camera lens signifies and ratifies my life. Photography is my passion in life and what better way to show how I feel than through a camera lens. Each person is different, and everyone sees life in a different way. We can all understand each other by viewing our photographs and making our own personal statements towards it that may reflect how the photographer and I could relate.
There are so many different ways I can go on and on about it, but I would rather just leave it at that.


What a lovely day, it must be nice to just live a carefree life and do what ever we may please. Sometimes I wish I didn't have responsibilities so I can just go to the beach and soak up the sun, or take a trip to an island and enjoy life. I wouldn't mind traveling right about now, so much to see and I'm excited - I feel it!

I must now go to class, but I think I'll stop at a Smoothie King first...
After this class I must welcome the weekend. I really would love to have a spa day right about now...

xoxo

domi

Candy Roses

Why is the sun so re-energizing, yet, so draining at the same time?

Jessica Simpson always finds a good place to put me back on track with my life and I think that things will soon get back to normal. It started last night with an amazing restful bubble bath (which Kyle is so jealous of), woke up, took my final in my Short Story class, came home, chilled a bit, listened to Jessica Simpson & classical music. I decided that a good photo shoot was in order for me today. So, I decided that since it was such a beautiful day out today I would use my backyard as the backdrop. I went for a "white wedding" theme with a hint of pink blush in the roses that were left from my Grandfather's Repast party we had for him at my house. I had a ton of fun taking pics because I had turned the volume up really loud from my patio that just filled my ears of beautiful classical piano and violin/cello melodies that Evan would be proud of!
It was somewhat embarrassing though because my neighbor was in the backyard cleaning out his pool. (There is a fence that separates our houses but since our house is built on a hill, when you stand next to the fence your whole head can be seen) But I think he didn't pay attention to me, thank goodness.
Anyway, I think that the pictures came out amazingly great!
So, here they are:
P.S.- Please don't save my photos or use them for anything without my permission.
Thanks :)





That's pretty much it.
I might post some later, I've been thinking about opening back up my Flickr account, not sure yet.

Have a good evening!

xoxo

domi

Reminder: All pictures are copyrighted to dominique ashley photography. Do not copy or reproduce. Do not use my photos without my permission. If I find that my photos have been in use without my permission please be prepared to be sued.
:-)

Post Angsty Weekend.

This weekend was an emotional roller coaster, crying doesn't seem to be an option anymore. I've come to realize who really matters to me during this time, and I can see who are the ones that truly care in general about me and my well-being. It's quite a shock I must say. Despite that, I honestly feel 100x more closer to my boyfriend than anyone else. Seriously, in my time of need, he was the one to go leaps and bounds for me. I really appreciate it so much, so Matt, if I haven't said it enough I'll say it again! Thank You, thank you, thank you! For being my supportive buddy, without having someone to talk to about all the feelings that bubbled up inside me and the thousand tears I shed, I would have cried more.

With all of these events happening at this very moment finals seem quite impossible at the moment. I have so much to do that I am making myself feel so overwhelmed! I have to do my speech (I wish I did it last Tuesday!), I have to learn one more magic trick! And I need to learn a 30 second QFS commercial for work today during our Crew Meeting! Ugh, this freaks me out so much...

I hate it when I'm so uptight!


Onto much lighter notes...
After the Funeral for my Grandpa, we celebrated his life at my house at a Repast get together we had for him.
Here are some photos of that lovely Saturday afternoon.



My Aunt, her boyfriend, my mom & my older cousin, Sam, laughing about fun times with Grandfather.



Me and Jess in my backyard, watching the "adults" drink some of my Grandpa's award winning Rum. I wish I had some! :(



Cathy & Vicki talking in my kitchen.




xoxo

I'll keep the faith.

Although I feel the loss, I feel hope.
Today was a long, long day. I didn't go to Speech class, but I went to US history. I learned a lot, read a lot and went along with my day. Even though there is this empty feeling inside of me, I know that memories and love can help fill it for a temporary feeling. I do cry and long for my Grandpa, but I'm sure that over time I will realize the love that he has given me should make me smile. I do miss him a bunch and tomorrow will be very hard for me since it is his Wake, then on Saturday is the Funeral. Not sure if I can handle both but, Matt is coming home tomorrow to be with me. Having someone to cry to makes it a lot easier. These days it's hard to talk to my Mom or Dad about it because it's such a sensitive topic at the moment, maybe one day I can tell my Mom about everything I want to say about Granfather. In the meantime I'll enjoy the sun that he has allowed to shine for me for the days remaining.
Once things start to move slowly towards a "normal yet missing" life, you can visit me at work where I am no longer Zelda, but Sunny, in honor of my Grandpa. His real name is Francis but all his life he was nicknamed "Sonny" because he loved to be in the sun.

I know he'll be here to help me through the dark days.

Today I went back to the normal me. No flat ironing my hair, no makeup, no caring if people are staring at me-well maybe I did care.
It was such a windy evening, then I realized that my Grandpa was always the wind beneath my wings.<3

Hopefully, from this day forward, only good things will come for me.
I will keep the faith.


xoxo




I'll try to keep up with my 365. But with so many hectic things in my life, the rules for my Project 365 is to post one whenever I can. I take the pictures, I just never get around to posting it. So, it still counts.

Left alone.

Another moment, another smile, another let down, another pick-up, another I'll-do-anything-for-you-because-your-family-is-having-a-tragic-situation. Am I that insignificant, to the fact that I am beat out by a TV show or a game? I just feel like I'm sitting on the floor, in my room, waiting and waiting, the tears fall down my face, the loneliness lingers and I have no where to go. Once I stand up back on my own two legs again I peep through the door crack just to see who is waiting for me...
No one.
So, I go back to my spot of the floor and I sit right back down crossing my legs indian style. Memories replay flashbacks of the happy times in life and I continue to cry as I miss them. It's a good human way to make yourself feel better. Even though the void is so great that it feels so unreal at the moment that you are driving yourself mad.
As I'm wrapped up in my inflamed thoughts, I lay backwards, now with my back on the floor, I stare up at the ceiling. Why do I wait? Why do I wonder? Why is he so good to me when he has time for me? Why do I complain when I don't get the attention I want? Why do I always end up being the bad guy/girl in the end for being needy in my time of need? I don't want to be alone in my thoughts, by myself feeling so distraught. Why can't anyone see that?! I am so selfish though...because all I want is the attention from those who don't have the desire to give it to me at the moment. I try so hard to stand out that I look like a complete moron in the end. Then I came to my own revelation- because he finally got the girl, he figured that no matter how tough the situation gets he can leave me and always come back to me. Kind of like how once you get a dog, you play with it when you want to. Why am I always waiting to be picked up when I am upset? Why am I the one who is told "Sorry baby I am going into this store I'll call you later", when I was the one who said "No baby, it's okay I'll talk to you till you get to your destination" when I'm waiting to go inside my own store?
This drives me insane, and I can't take it anymore. But I can't go anywhere, I am tied by the want and need as well as the loving and longing I get with him.
I don't want to leave, I just want to be treated right, all over, well rounded. No more brainwashing, no more missing and sadness, no more treating me like your puppy who will always be there when you come home. I just want the happiness of you to understand me and understand that I have needs, and when I need my needs that you will provide for me with all of your love because I'd do the same thing for you!
When will men ever understand that if you treat us well, we give it back to you?
Yet, I give him my all no matter what.

I'll just try and apprehend this thought for awhile...

xoxo

Missing my Guardian Angel.

The world is changing, but never the heart.
Life is hard to move on from once you have lived your entire life with the "normal". Each day we all do the same things, we see the same people, we hug and kiss the people we think we will see just the next day. But sometimes God needs the important people to come home with him and we as human beings don't like that too much at first. Because the normal stream in the river, shifts and is moved by the wind to go down a different path. More changes. Some say change is good, but they don't know.

Take a light from my heart
Burn it out
I'm lost in the dark
Where am I?
Where do I go?

Everyone says they know how I'm feeling and say that time will heal all wounds. That angers me because they don't know how I'm feeling. They don't know anything! The void I feel can't be covered or healed. I'll feel too guilty about it. No one knows how close I was to my Grandpa. Each Grandchild had a special bond, mine was special, I saw him so much, we laughed about so much. I want to still know that I was special to him. He told me every day that he loves me. But I wish that the day he was called home he gave me strength to see him, but I couldn't find any. I thought it was the right thing to do to not see him, but now I wish I did. I wish I could hug him, and he could tell me to stop crying and to smile. He would tell me everything was alright and that good things will happen.

I don't know how to turn the gray days into happy days. But I know that there will be good days soon. Just not yet...
It's a weird feeling to know that when I see my Grandma, that he won't be laying on the bed relaxing.

This morning when I woke up I felt like it was a normal day, but I thought of him and reality hit me. No day will be the same, no day of watching horse racing on tv and him shouting "C'mon 2!" and getting excited that he might win his bet. No more of the same things physically, but spiritually I know he's there watching over everyone.
All day yesterday I felt okay because he felt like he was still here with me, and I went on through the day without crying. But I think it's him who comes to see me when I'm crying and is the one that makes me stop. Because when I cry I tend to stop crying after a couple of minutes.

Maybe it's okay to cry, but in the end he's with us, holding us, keeping us strong, making us smile and continuously keeping the sun shining.
Please watch over us forever.

xoxo

Hurting, Missing, Wanting.

A lot has happened to me physically and mentally in the past couple of days since my audition. Happiness, sadness, grief, love, missing, and passing.
My Grandpa "Grafader" is how we used to pronounce it, passed away yesterday, Easter Sunday at 10:30am (the beginning of Mass) quietly and soundly with my Mom, Uncles and Aunts and my Grandpa by his side in Hospice. My Grandpa was a fighter and a lover, he loved his children, wife and grandchildren. Everyone who met him, automatically loved him so much for his kind and loving personality. My Grandpa loved to watch Horse Racing and bet on horses, as well as play the lottery. He would always tell me jokes and we'd laugh about Family Guy. My Grandpa survived for 4 years with Lung Cancer, it wasn't until January of this year when things got a bit shaky. My family started to help him fight the cancer as it spread through his body, weakening him. But as much as I did not want him to go, I realized that he was suffering so much and it was time for him to rest. I will miss seeing him every day and hugging him and laughing with him and eating his delicious food! I hope you are with your parents and grandparents that I am sure you missed so so so much. I love you and hope to see you again. I'm sorry that I didn't get to be with you in your final moments, it was just too hard for me. But I know that you sent Matt home this past weekend because you knew I'd need someone to lean on.
I'll never forget the only Grandpa in my life that ever cared for me and was interested in the things I did. I promise not to cry anymore...well, I'll try not to.



In honor of my Grandpa, I have decided to change my Codename at work from instead of Zelda to Sunny. (My Grandpa's nickname was Sonny, but I'll spell it with a 'u' because every time he was near he'd make me smile and make me feel happy, just like how the sun makes me feel).




*My 365 is still going on, but I haven't had time to post pictures. At this time I was post the past pictures I was supposed to post up at one picture instead. That will but up sometime soon, after all this stuff sinks in and I can focus on my life again.*

Disney Audition in a nutshell. (17/365)

Well, the audition at Disney was crazy and fun!
They taught us a dance from a parade and it went by so fast! It's a good thing I made friends with the other girls and guys that were there because they helped me out when they gave us time to practice! There were about 65 of us practicing in the ballet studio. After practice they made us wait in the hallway till they called our numbers...(I was number 20!)
They brought us in, in groups of 6 back into the dance studio to present the dance to the judges. Even though I messed up a little bit on the second time we did it (we had to do it twice for the judges) I really really hope that it went well! The girl I made friends with was so proud that I got it right (because before i was having trouble on this one part, my feet weren't right) but I guess that through it i just said "Screw it! I'll have fun" I hope I had a smile on my face the whole time! Haha!

They took our picture and our height! I'm pretty upset that they measured me at 5'3 and a quarter! :(
I was hoping to be princess height! oh well! 2 more weeks until i find out the results!!! Eeeee >.<
I don't think I was considered for "face" (being a Princess) because most of the time I was in the bathroom practicing while waiting.
But even though they have my picture maybe I will be considered for face. *crosses fingers*

Oh yeah and the animation part was amazing and really really funny! I felt out of place but that's a GOOD THING! :D

-domi

*17/365*



I got a "Golden Ticket" as Adam says..."I'm going to Hollywood!"- it was a big joke.
Everyone got these tickets and was told to leave and then we'd find out the results by e-mail.
IF I get in, I can't post who I am going to be or where due to Disney Privacy reasons. But all in all, even though I messed up a bit on the dance, I think I smiled enough to show that I have energy! Plus to learn a dance in less than an hour was tough! But I picked up on the majority of it. I hope the judges saw that I was having such a good time!

Here we Go! (16/365)

Well, I've got my sneakers, my comfy pants, spaghetti strapped shirt, water bottles, backpack and snacks. Inhale, Exhale, Smile, Breathe, Relax.
I will be good, I will be fine, I will make friends and have a good time.

I will take a picture tomorrow, so I will miss a post tomorrow! But don't worry my 365 is still in the works, just because I may not post it, may not mean that I didn't take anything! I'll be driving back down from Orlando tomorrow night.
So, here we go! Tomorrow morning I am off to my adventure, and we will see how things go.

Thank you to everyone who has given me massive amounts of support!

Xoxo,

domi

*16/365*

GDO (Girl's Day Out!) 15/365

Happy day and movie day with Noelle.
I got to sleep in and relax for once on a crazy Monday morning, rolled out of bed around 12:30pm. All afternoon I got a constant flood of text messages from friends, I certainly felt loved. I don't know why I dwell on particular things that can easily be fixed on my part, and I fail to see the good side of things. Thanks to my younger brother's advice I feel a lot more at ease as I take things slowly.

Anyway, today Noelle and I saw "Adventureland," there really isn't much to say about this movie except 'interesting' and I can say it was somewhat on a level of 'cute' minus the drugs and alcohol. After a few short lived laughs (when the movie ended) we walked the mall on a quest for a guitar? lol, We talked about her housing issues with UF and touched lightly on High School matters as well as Social Networking (earlier in the day). I like talking to Noelle, we can talk about anything and topics are never awkward, just normal and relatively simplistic. Even though I may talk her ears off with my stupid problems, I try to refrain from complaining these days since there isn't much to complain about. I also don't want to annoy her, as well as everyone else with irritations that I can simply get over or fix. I feel very grateful for having friends like her, cause if I didn't...I'd probably drown myself in loneliness. lol, So thank you Noelle for being such an amazing friend! Because you are just awesome like that...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Honestly, I feel so happy right now. Although it may not be what I was looking for, I finally got some insight. I finally felt like I was getting through, and being accepted, and no longer will the sadness linger. There is no point in being sad when you look around and have people who care about you, but may not say it to you. I know they are there and I will live on forever and ever so they know I know they care.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

*15/365



A Noelle and Domi Day at the Movies!

Emotional Whirlwind. (14/365)

I can't help but feel sorry for myself, to not feel good enough.
I set myself on this pedestal of high expectations and yet I don't think I'll be able to make it. A huge part of me just wants to portray a Princess but knowingly, I am do not have the characteristics of a small petite Disney Princess. I critique myself to the harshest point where I make myself cry.
No one seems to see where I am coming from. And that's fine by me...
My audition is in 3 days and I have found myself not nervous but just upset. I want to back out, yet sometimes I get so psyched up I just don't want to! It's because I know I won't get pulled for face. Disney has so many high expectations I probably won't fit the criteria. If anything I can have another job...
But I want it, yet if I didn't get it, it wouldn't kill me.
I'll just go with the flow and have fun.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --

Phew! I just went and relaxed a bit...I just needed to clear my head and stare into the mirror and recite: "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?"
Snow White is and so she shall be. I want to be friends with Snow White.
:)
Here I come! Full force! No regrets! I will be fine in acting! I'll smile and be happy!


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Well, today I worked and worked and worked! But I had fun, fun fun! I almost lost my voice! After work I came home, then dropped my brother off at his friend's house. And on my way back home I stopped back at work and played one game with all the members. I got last place of course cause they are better than me!
Then I waited until Trevor got off work and I hung out with him for a bit...
Trevor seriously is such an amazing friend! I can't believe that we click so well, I can tell him whatever is on my mind- well not EVERYTHING cause that's weird. But we'll soon overcome a weird stage and then I can tell him everything! I always tell him how cute it is to see him gush over Katie (his girlfriend) and he thinks that I'm ridiculous lol. That's just how we are :)
He is looking forward to hanging out with me in Orlando when I get the job at Disney!
I'm excited!
:)


*14/365*




Amusing. Before sleep, I brushed my teeth and thought it'd make a good picture. Just one of those hygiene type of pictures. Plus, I love my hair! I look like a lion. Haha :P

Goodnight!

Xoxo,

domi

I hate this part. (13/365)

Maybe today I feel a lot prettier than I did yesterday.

I have a bad habit, and I am trying to break it. As vain as I may seem I am a girl who is insecure and needs to be reminded constantly about how pretty I am in order for my confidence to be on the rise. If someone were to get to know me a lot better, even some of my friends know that every time I walk past a reflection of myself I can't help my glance and see how I look. - I've read this in various short stories, most recently, "Where are you going, Where have you been?" where the Main Character, Connie, is a very vain teenager and all she cares about is how she looks and what boys she wants to attract. So she dresses very provocative and tempting when going to a drive-in diner, soon she gets the attention she wants in a very creepy stalker way and soon learns that it is attention she does not want.
That is not what I'm going for, mine is all about confidence. Why do you think I can walk up to someone at work and greet them with a smile on my face? I want to make sure I look flawless so all they can see is the kind greeting and appreciate me rather than what I look like. I still have my imperfections: I get annoyed easily and I have a tendency to talk when others are talking or I talk "over" them. It's rude but for some reason genetically I need to have the last word in order to feel "right". I always ask if I look pretty when I knowingly feel pretty already, I just like to hear it. I bring myself down in order to be raised back up and to hear that I am pretty.
This all boils down to when I was in Elementary school. I was the most unattractive girl in my class and I was constantly made fun of over the years in Middle School. I never thought I'd get a boyfriend or be pretty enough in pictures. I was that girl who never cared for make-up or cared about the way I looked. I just went on my way...
But once I got into High School, I realized it's a whole ballgame of playing Barbie. I realized in order to get noticed I'll have to be "pretty". Yet I never got into that mind set...
The older I got the more I wanted to experiment being a teenager. I tried on the make up, I suddenly loved to go clothes and shoe shopping (I never had before), I wore eyeliner and foundation. Soon I realized that these are all good things to be aware of. After all the hype of being girlie, I found what suit me best. (I used to dress in black and rocked out to rock music) Soon I found a love for pinks and blues and dresses, and it all shaped around my personality and my confidence.
I am still ashamed at the fact that I am so self-centered at times when it comes to my looks, but I try to balance it out with my kindness and my friendliness. I never fake it, it's who I am. But I always feel terrible.
I have all the friends I desire, the boyfriend who loves me, the family that adores me, what more can I ask for?
All I still do is complain about everything because it seems like nothing is ever good enough. Sooner or later I need to realize that everything I have is everything I want. The people and things that have fallen out of my life I will miss, but I can't take it back. I have to get up and move on and be strong and be me.
Without my imperfections and weird personality, it just wouldn't be me. You won't find another girl like me who laughs at everything and has never smoked or done drugs a day in her life. A girl who is "high on life" and comes off so happy all the time and pushes away her worries and never lets people know she is sad in front of them. But behind a computer all she does is cry and wish that the world could see she's broken inside. But only inside...

13/365



I spent a lonely Saturday Afternoon by myself at the beach for a good 20 minutes before I couldn't take it anymore. To my left about a good 400 yards away a wedding ceremony was taking place. All of the girls and guys were gorgeous. Of course the bride as well.
I was blown off by friends again and I am just tired of asking for company. The only company I ever get is by me,myself and I. I can't rely on anyone unless I call them the day before. I do have friends who hang out with me on a whim, but I just hate that part when you look around and they are gone from your sight.



Xoxo,


domi

Monsters, Disney, Laser Tag! ( 12/ 365)

Disney Character Performers for the WDW College Program
For: Walt Disney World
Audition City: Orlando , FL
Location: Disney's Animal Kingdom Rehearsal Facility
Looking For: Face Characters, Atmosphere Characters, and Parade Performers

Holy crap!
They really are looking for face characters and parade performers!!!!
I am even more nervous! I really really hope that I pass! *screams*
But I feel so mellowed out, I think I should be screaming, but I don't want to. Maybe I will when I step foot out to the Animal Kingdom...
*Sigh*

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /


Well, today was long! And somewhat productive!
I woke up early and picked up my younger cousins and we traveled for about 40 minutes to Lake Worth where my Aunt and I swapped passengers!
The kids went to her and my older cousin, Sabrina to me!
I took her all the way back home to my Grandpa's house where she stayed, then I left to go to my house to get ready for work.
I went to work and worked myself out! I basically gave it my all at work and used up all the stored energy in me...
Mario came to visit and played during my missions. I also met the new kid, Max. He's just adorable! That nerdy, but cute younger boy- not in a crush way! No way! But a person overall I think I'll like working with him!

Anyway, this evening I watched Monsters VS Aliens (boot leg) with my Dad and I laughed so much! It was wicked cute! But this night is very long and I have work in the AM!
Goodnight all! And tomorrow is a new day! :D

12/365

*Attention to detail*


Her hair, so wavy like waves,
for a sad and beautiful girl.
It's the same, same words she hears over and over again,
She hides her face, wishing it'll all go away.
For lies are lies and never the truth.
If she opens her eyes there is nothing she can absolutely do.


Why must I be wait-listed for love?
I understand the hustle and bustle of every day life, but when you come home, all you want is to be loved.


Xoxo,

domi







*Pardon this post, I rushed through it to beat the clock so it is full of errors and incomplete sentences!*

Studious Sally (I am not Sally...) 11/365

On your mark...
Get set...
GO!

1...2...3...1...2...3...

Left foot, right foot, right foot, right.

I have been panicking, crazy panicking about my audition. But I will find comfort and reassurance in myself as well as friends/family. I will be and do fine during the audition. I see this as a big opportunity to shine in front of big time corporation. Even if I don't make it through, I will find the experience to be wonderful! But I sure do hope I get in somehow! And as Noelle said...this is the type of thing I'm good at! Being entertaining and dancing around all day as a character!
Just 5 more days starting tomorrow! I probably won't get nervous until I am there. I hope I make some friends too!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Today was a very uninteresting day if you were trying to peek into my life.
I did get my glasses today! Finally a more suitable look for me, than wearing those ridiculous blue glasses! Finally a pair of sleek, black rimless lenses. I feel smart like Noelle :P
But, besides that, I went to class (boring), was hit on by a kid in a moving Honda Civic, calling me a "sexy momma". I am not a "Mother" so it technically doesn't apply to me. I visited my little cousins again and played Sims (trying ever so hard to not do my reading for US history), took them to Chik-Fil-A, ate lunch, took them back to my Grandparents house, then set off to go to class.
Came home from class, got my glasses, sat around, danced around, took pictures, watched E! all day (how sad), put on make-up for fun, took more pictures, danced to Hannah Montanna/Miley Cyrus, typing here, ready for bed.

Ta-Da! What a wonderful day...

Indeed...

----------------------------------

11/365



I love my glasses, I feel free to do whatever and still look sassy! Finally a pair that won't square off my face!
Goodnight now!

Long day ahead...

Xoxo,

domi

She swims again... 10/365

*I apologize for any offense to those who opposed my previous post. I feel very rude for being so outspoken, but if one is to get what she wants, she must open her mouth about it- Hah!
Again I am sorry for accusing people for my suspicion and paranoia.*


Killing all birds with one stone.

Today I pretty much got all the things I wanted to do, done. I visited my Grandpa (who is finally doing well!!! I am so happy that he is in higher spirits!), I played with my younger cousins today who I haven't seen since Christmas! And I got to accomplish other activities that are not of importance.
I did get to be with Jewel today, and that was a fun day indeed.
After I picked her up from kindy (there was a whole big to-do with me getting her today that I don't even WANT to go into detail about since it was so frustrating and all with teacher speculation and all!) and we went to Auntie Donna's house, got her math homework completed without any bribery! Played a mystery called "where is that smell coming from?" but solved it by spraying Fabreez everywhere, since it smelled like pets! Then I took her outside to go swimming since it was so bloody hot outside! The girl needed a treat after all for being such a good sport!
I left her there with her Auntie Donna & Uncle Gary so I could pick my brother up from the bus stop and take him to work. When I got back to Auntie Donna's house Jewel was already out of the pool and on her laptop playing on ty.com. So, I hung out with Adam (Matt's younger brother) for awhile. Listening to 93 rock to listen to the Metallica Mash-up so they can win ticket to see Metallica. We ate Jewel's Stickers or Stackerz, what ever these kids call it these days and talked about his friends. I tried to get him to swim with me but that was a failed attempt. Eventually, I convinced Jewel to come back into the pool, and so she did. We played and played for a good hour or so until dinner was ready. To wash up from all the fresh water, we took a bath (with our bathing suits on) with bubbles! We played "Ella Enchanted", where I was Ella and she ordered me to give her all the "money" which was played by the "Bubbles". It was quite cute. After our bath, she raced me to see who could put on our clothes the fastest (with us separated in different rooms, lol) and she said she won (she was wearing a skirt for goodness sake!) Anyway, after a failed attempt to dry my hair straight (it's naturally curly) I ate dinner and watched a movie called, "What happens in Vegas..."
I left shortly after the movie started and arrived home. And since being home I have been doing my homework. But I must go now so I can finish and go to bed!
Goodnight!

10/365



Jewel and I in the pool, playing around.
I love her.

Xoxo,

domi

I feel like I'm being watched.

I feel somewhat stalked by a person who has recently been viewing my blog...
Sorry to say but it's very creepy, I mean of course there are tons of people who are interested in what people have to say but it would just be nice if they could leave me comments. That way I know who is viewing my blog and would allow me to view their blog as well. Thanks to statcounter I know where they are from and how frequently they visit. So please in all kindness, if you visit my blog from now on, leave me a comment. It doesn't matter if I don't know you, or we don't talk anymore, it just gives me some peace of mind.
Thanks


-Dominique

Sleep Deprivation (9/365)

I am indeed rendered exhausted as of right now. I'm not sure what it is, but I know my body is screaming at me right now. All the vigorous activities I have been doing...cartwheels, tumbles, pirouettes, dancing, walking...it all adds up to this. I am just glad that it's this week that I'm exhausted instead of next week for the audition.
I am really really nervous about it, but I am trying really hard to just go with the flow and have fun. And even if I don't pass the audition I'll have a great time with the experience! These days I try not to get worked up over things that stress me out...
Like boys, school, tests, work, auditions, Disney, etc...
Objects or people that give me stress I find relief in massages or just a basic meditating technique that helps me find strength and happiness within myself.
So, as I wait for my dinner I shall watch television, then eat dinner, take a bath, wait a little then fall asleep.
I wouldn't mind 10 hours of sleep right now...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

For photo #9 of Project #365
I give you...



Here is the one photo from the left so you can read what it says:




Another 2 frame photo to describe visually how I felt after studying, as well as when I drink that "Sleepy Time" tea.
I tried to go for that "Snow White" aspect for the second photo. It didn't come out the way I wanted it to, but I guess I'll need to figure something else out for that.
Instead of Snow White eating an apple, she drank tea and fell asleep.
:)

Xoxo,

domi

The littlest mermaid. 8/365

Today I picked up my little Jewel bug from Kindy. And how excited and joyous I was to see her tiny face shine with such happiness when she saw me! I was really really happy to see that I make her day shine. As the day went on, I took her to her Auntie Donna's house (Matt's Mom). When we were there I helped her with her homework while texting Trevor (who was texting me). I promised her that if she finished all of her homework I would take her outside to swim. So of course she did her homework, but she is still only 5 so she is distracted easily, I kind of bribed her with soda so she could finish the word completion that described animals. (It worked like a charm, yet backfired throughout the day with her bouncing off the walls) Before she finished her homework, I took her with me to get my little brother from school, as well as going to her Nana's house to get her mail, only to bring it back to Auntie Donna's house (where Nana was staying). My, my was that a trip! She knocked out for 20 minutes I am assuming since she stopped singing halfway back to the house. But that too was bad because I know she won't sleep tonight (and is probably still awake as I write this...)
Anyway, so we get back to Matt's house and she keeps on bugging me and bugging me about swimming! Finally, she finished all of her homework and I told her to put on her bathing suit. I was kind of praying it would rain but it didn't cause the sky cleared out as I walked outside. (I know, how terrible me who said she could swim in the first place...) So I let her play and burn off all of that energy she had.
I just watched her play because the water was way too cold for me to even want to jump in.

All in all she had a great time and even though playing in the pool didn't subside some of the energy, I'm sure she feels good to know that she gets attention! Jewel is the type of girl who is so lovey with a side of meltdowns...but I don't mind..

*8/365*



I like the blurred effect, it can just describe my mind when I'm with her. She's growing up so fast that it's hard to keep up with all of that energy! But my feet are in focus as I keep a close eye on the path I take when Jewel and I bond together.
I treat her like my own little sister because she is the sweetest of all and deserves the best.

Xoxo,

domi.

Disney On Ice (7/365)

Today was a fun, tiring day! Sadia took me, her Mom, her friend Radisson and Radisson's little sister, Rachel to see Disney on Ice. And what a treat it was! :]
I had so much fun watching Mickey and Minnie, Goofy & Donald, The Little Mermaid, The Lion King & Tinkerbell!
So for my 7/365 I have a picture of Sadia and I waiting for the show to start! :]



I look wicked pale! :(


xoxo,
domi

Saturday, another day. (6/365)

Exhaustion.
The one word that describes the way I feel and a little sick at the same time...
So Saturday has come to an end, just like any typical Saturday of my life. I go to work, I come home, I feel gross, I shower, I put on my jameies, I sit with my laptop in hand, I fiddle with Photoshop, I now browse Etsy.com, I chat with friends on DisBoards.com, I listen to either my ipod or Disney music on live365.com, and then Matt sometimes calls, then I sleep watching adult swim or Jon and Kate Plus 8. A typically Saturday routine indeed.
But it was a good Saturday, I felt good about myself and my outgoing-ness. The more confident I feel, the more I shine. My laugh and my smile is something I want all questers to remember. The fun times they had, instead of bad. No matter how loud or rowdy a group is, I tend to pretend that I don't hear sarcasm, or ignorance. I just laugh and joke around with them, and the feelings reciprocate, they have a liking to me because I smile and I treat them like their own age. I like that reciprocated feeling because I just love to be liked. I love to be talked to, I love having people feeling comfortable with me even though they just met me 2 minutes ago. Like the girls I talked to today while working. She looked to be 12 or 13, she wasn't ignorant, or sarcastic, she was just a girl who was curious and was scared. She clung to my side the whole game but it never bothered me. I just reassured her that there was nothing to be afraid of while playing, and she had a great time after that.
Mario came to visit me, that made me really happy. I gave him my free pass to play a game since I didn't want him to leave so soon.
I ended up getting really hyper with a hint of sugar crash- thanks to Trevor who bought me a latte (I just texted him to thank him, haha).

As long as today was, it was still enjoyable. I love my job, I love to talk, I love to make people laugh, I love the attention, I love to make magic moments for the people I meet, I love to see kids smile.
I really really really hope I make it to Disney!

*sigh* I looked up on weather.com that it's gonna rain tomorrow afternoon! That's going to stink! Especially since I am going to see Disney on Ice with Sadia tomorrow! But I'm so psyched for it! Anytime I hear Disney music from the theme parks it makes me cry! All of that magic in one place just overwhelms me. Disney truly is the happiest place on Earth to me.

:)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

6/365;

Inspired by the way I feel when I come home from work vs How I feel after I shower.




Xoxo,

domi

Reverie.

I truly am missing the missing from my life. As much as I wish for it to come back I know it probably won't. The only way to satisfy this missing is to go back to my old conversations on gtalk and read every thing I want to read.
For some reason when I place myself and all of my being into the back of my mind, inside my memories, I am replaying all of those times we had together and it seems that, that alone suffices. I am happy, I am grateful, yet I am still missing the missing.
I am happy that they have someone to love.
I am grateful for the fact that I have once brought them happiness.
Yet, I am missing them because once upon a time that person was the closest shoulder to lean on.

another friday & more happiness. (5/365)

I have found a new obsession, it can be found on etsy.com.

Belle & Boo have found a new place in my heart and forever will I collect these precious works of art of theirs. Find my happiness here.
Mandy's artwork reminds me of my childhood, with the haircut that used to be mine, and with a companion I would have adored. It makes my heart sing with such a beautiful melody. I can't complain, buying some of their work made my Friday the most peaceful Friday ever.

Even though Matt never came home this weekend, I can still find ways to get along just fine. I have read some books, but I really wished to have found a shady spot along the shore, book in hand, hat on my head, sunglasses on my face. A peaceful Friday morning, reading my favorite book, inspiring my imagination for photographs and artwork. That would have been the most perfect Friday.
But, it ended up becoming a day being called into work to fill in for my friend, Mike, since he was sick. The hustle and bustle of campers, excited to play laser tag. I didn't mind, really I didn't. They made me laugh and smile, they truly made my Friday worth while. No one ever knows what joy it brings to me when I see a young child happy that they get to play a game with their friends. Even though it's not making arts and crafts for the day, it still is good enough for me to see boys and girls alike bonding together and using tactics to attack one another-hah!
Well, as this Friday draws to a close I have indulged myself in Norah's sweet sweet voice. It makes me excited for Summer to come, the humidity, the sun, the afternoon thunderstorms, the warmth, the snow cones, the swimming days, the wet hair, the bbqs, the memories. Florida summers capture my heart as well as the family I share it with. I could not be more content with life as I am now. Although, I wish I could tweak it somewhat. I should stop being afraid to do the things I want to do and just go for it.
I shall try that.

Happy Week-end everyone and must I say this weekend came by fast.

Now, onto my 5/365...

Would my bedroom suffice?



This is what it'd look like if you were to stalk me through my bedroom window, hehe...
you better not!

Just joking...here is a picture of me reading Wolverine's Origin. I read it back in 2007 on my way back from a FIRST competition on the bus. I just stole it back from Matt's bedroom at his home, heh.



I hope you don't mind my dirty socks...


xoxo

domi

4/365

Today is a day of nothing. Class, home, class. I looked forward to having such a great day since I am not horribly sick anymore. And then..loneliness replaced itself. I want to walk around the park, but I hate how they all decide to close early or at sunset. I wish I had a companion right now that I can do things with. To fight my mind away from such loneliness.

Jeez, I need a dog...

Well, I cut my finger today, so I am assuming that was enough excitement for me in one day. Which leads to my picture for day number 4 out of 365.



I amuse myself.

I need a photography partner, but every time I go to ask my little brother he's gone out some where...
My timing is bad :-/

3/365

Day # 3 was fun. My sickness still is slightly overwhelming...but I'll over come it! Even though I'm sick, today I went to Matt's house to celebrate his Dad's birthday. Even though Matt isn't here I still went over there :]
And I got to spend some quality time with Jewel<3 She's like my little sister and I love her to death!<3 Jewel is Matt's little cousin...

And here is the picture for 3/365:



I loved 3 of them, so I put them together!

Well, I have a test tomorrow and I need to sleep!

xoxo,

domi

2/365

A race against the clock causes some rebellion from the teenager in me.



Rummaging through I found some old clothes of mine from my early high school years.
Oh how I miss being 15.

I will update later on- the sickness is killing me still.

xoxo,

domi

*Attention!*

Thank you so much for the comments, but how can I thank you personally if I do not know your name??
Please, no Anonymous comments. Please write your name down as you leave me a comment under your text. Thank you so much.
Failure to do so will result in me disabling anonymous comments.

Thank you
xoxoxo

-Domi

1/365.

My weekend started out great and ended on a sickly note.

On Friday, Sadia organized a beach day with some of her friends and I in the morning. I decided to sleep in a bit and then head on over to the beach, but I wasn't able to go because on my way there it started to pour, so I changed course and headed over to Dillard to visit my teachers and friends. I had fun seeing my closest friends, we joked a lot and talked about other things that I don't quite remember what about... well after that nice visit, I picked up my brother early from school (of course since I was already there..) and snatched up Noelle as well (lol) and we ate lunch at Wendys. [Skipping all of the unimportant parts] we went to my house and I took my brother to work. So Noelle and I went to the mall to shop (haha) I think I spent a long time in Sanrio (I'm sorry Noelle!)
But that pretty much wrapped up my entire Friday.

Saturday, I had gotten my eyes checked at the optometrist. I complained to my doctor about this piece of dust in my eye, that looks like I can grab it but I can't! It drives me absolutely crazy! He told me I had a "floatie", and I laughed cause I remember the joke in Family Guy about it. Anyway, I got some new glasses as well so I will be wearing my specks more often these days. After-wards, my Mom and I went to the store and she bought me "Twilight the Movie" <3. (I adore the book more than the movie..) Once we got home I had to get ready for work.. What else is new?
I Party Coordinated while Trevor was on POS and Mike marshaled the games. I busted my butt off for so many parties and didn't get any tips. - Not like I really cared though. I still had a good time being silly and goofy. Once work was over Mike took me to my Grandpa's house (since my mom had my car). When I was there I then felt the creeping sickness overcome me. Which sucked!
Jessica, my cousin, came home with me and we watched "Twilight" all night long. As well as the extras. I made her laugh so much during the movie cause I made fun of it. - Really it is funny. I didn't get to sleep well that night since my nose started to get stuffy...

Sunday- The LONGEST day of my work life. I worked and worked and worked.
And got sick sick sick.

Which leads me to my first picture of my 365.


1/365:

Poor Domi:





This picture I took of me with my Canon XS, the "Dominique" sign you see there is a sign my Mommy bought me 3 years ago at the Woodstock festival in our town. It's actually a chalk board that you can write on. Thus, you see the writing I wrote on it saying I am sick. Just to let you know I am! :]




Since I have started my 365. I must not miss a day or else there is no point to it. So expect a picture a day folks! Check here for more details.

Live the life you love, Love the life you live. <3

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets;
So love the people who treat you right,
believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, take it.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy,
They just promised it would be worth it." -Harvey Mackay


I've been thinking and thinking and thinking for the longest time that this type of thinking has affected my actions and my health. When someone destroys you in that way without them even knowing, then you know something is wrong.
I've been holding on for way too long, even when I thought I had let go.
So drop me into the ocean, so I can cleanse myself from this...
I should have known better when it came to falling in love again.
All I can do is wish it all away.
Wish it all away, before I hurt myself again.

I need a distraction from life or I'm going to go crazy...
It's time for me to take action, and not regret the things I didn't want to do!
Like go to the beach by myself and enjoy time soaking in the sun, even if your best friend doesn't call you at all.

:-/

This is going to be that emotional neglected feeling I have felt before again, the feeling that makes me cry and wish for my friends who make me happy. Rather than me surrounding myself with people who just hurt me in the end, I need to smile! It's just that...
I'm so tired of making myself vulnerable to people who are "fair-weather friends".
My Mom is always right, why do I always do this to myself?!

Well no more self-pity, it's time to dig myself out of my hole, because as my Dad said, in the end you will only have yourself, and yourself to depend on. I need to pull myself together for MY sake!

:]

My Week-end has started!

Shopping makes me happy, especially when I'm on a quest for cute things on sale! lol, Yay bargains :]
I'll update later about my adventure.

Popping in!

Hello!!!

Today I decided to drop my math class! woo hoo! Sounds quite strange to know that I am excited, right??? Well, it is for the best (but I will retake it over summer). I would have missed a test during the week of my audition and I did not want to see less than a B on my "report card". My Mom and Dad, as well as Matt are supportive with any decision I make. And it is a good thing I decided before the Withdraw deadline... Eeep! :X

Anyway, if you take a look around you can see that I have "freshened up" my page. More white, and cleanliness, to show a cheery side of me instead of that sad blue. Oh, and that banner at the top...I made that! Go Me!
The music on my page is music I find amusing and self-defining of me, if you do not enjoy what you hear, you may hit pause at anytime.

This blog will soon be more of a photoblog till I can find myself a host, to host my own web-page! Now my posts will come with pictures I take during the day to help create a better visual. But in case I don't have my camera with me, or I'm too lazy to snap a pic read this:

From now on, to keep more entertainment going, I will make comic strips of things that seem funny to me that happen to me in class :D
So please keep on visiting!

-
Well Florida, thank you for this fine rain today. Even though we need it, it still makes me depressed. So I am going to make a grilled cheese sandwich and sing my favorite songs at the top of my lungs.
Thank You for Reading! :]

xoxo,

domi



** I might make this blog private, so if you are a reader and you never leave any comments, leave one with your e-mail so I can invite you to view it! Thanks **

A short snippet.

Very consistent I must say, the math in my brain will kill me, the words in my brain will kill me, the US History of all Chapters in this book will kill me. What won't kill me?? Ughh, I need to take a step back, breathe in, and exhale. Phew...

That's better. Now what's even better is to procrastinate while in the middle of jotting down notes for a big Speech tomorrow that will replicate "The View" only we will discuss why poor countries are not fortunate enough to access clean and safe water, and as well we will discuss the water depletion and the solution for it. Next to these notes, I am writing sample essays, all 14 of them, that came with our study sheet that just MIGHT be on the test. Oh and only 4 of the 14 of them will be our Mid-Term exam.
I should have done this over the weekend but how can you possibly concentrate with this thing around..?



exactly...

Well, enough of my rant/post I shall take a shower, drink some tea, study for an hour, watch Jon & Kate Plus 8 for 30 minutes & continue till I finish (hopefully around 11pm)
Alright, and break!

Lay your Head Down in my Arms.

If I could have my happy days every day, I think that was the kind of life God intended it to be. Not some stressful, hell hole of a world. You work hard, you play hard till you get to your destination. Surely life is so much harder than not living your life at all, I would love to play on the beach every day with the sun in my hair with the one I love. <3

I enjoyed one week of pure bliss, with some snippets of classwork here and there, but this week is going to be crazy with major tests. Especially now that Matt went back home. I have drifted back into reality, knowing that every day is certainly not a picnic.
It crossed my mind once that College may not be for me, but I have to take what I have placed in front of me and drag my feet through just basic courses till I get down to the meat and bones of my actual major. Maybe it'll be more fun since I'll be studying what I love. I just can't believe that it's March already, soon April will be here and my 2nd Semester of College will be over. Then Summer will be here and I'll be taking some courses for 6 weeks as well...Hopefully I'll be looking forward to the Disney College Program at that time...with a double added bonus!
In the meantime I'll just put my body on autopilot and let it do the work while my mind goes back to memory lane and live on the beach till it's over.

If you believe, anything is possible

Disney has given me this certain type of confidence, the belief in myself that I can do anything I want to do. This belief in myself makes me giddy and happy, I smile all the time and see a bright future ahead of me. Finally something I FEEL good enough for, the Disney CP. So many opportunities started from the moment I was interviewed last week Thursday. I think that it went so well! I really cannot wait until April (for my audition). Although I am lacking in the acting field and some dancing techniques, I have stamina, and perserverance to try and try again. I do take the initiative to go ahead and learn the proper way to master skills needed. I see myself working at Disney, being a Character performer. Especially walking around as a Princess... this is really something I want to do.
And I'm charging in full force! :]

I bought this "Knot a Dream" bracelet from a shop in Downtown Disney that made me feel so good about myself, I'm going to wear it to my audition.
It says; "It's kind of fun to do the impossible".



Disney here I come!!!

No feeling.

There are a ton of things on my mind right now making me feel horrible and worthless. I will just complain, try to fix what my problem is and then the next day do the same thing over and over again. No change, which is typical of me until something tragic happens. The normal Dominique Cycle.
I think I just bombed my math test today, I feel irritated and tired, I feel like I don't even care about the Disney CP and I haven't even really thought much about it till I saw in my planner that the presentation is this Wednesday. Now I have to go to that since I applied. Every thought in my brain just doesn't feel like it is worth my time. I am really just feeling "blah" today; it's the only way to describe it... But I should look forward to Friday because Friday I am going to Orlando for my Spring Break. So why should I look around and feel so blue? Maybe it is also because when I woke up the sky was gray and lonely looking. I like seeing clear blue sunny skies, I get excited for a new happy day. What I really need now is most likely a nap, maybe when I wake up I'll be in better spirits.
That's what I should do...

Disney College Program.

I've been researching for about 6 months now about Disney CP and finally now I realized that this may be that opportunity I have been looking for ever since I got hired at LQ. To be a Disney Performer would be a dream come true. Not just any dream, a dream that can become my reality. Wouldn't it be great?

On February 25 they are going to my College for a presentation that begins after my math class. I'm going to dress professionally, just nice black slacks and a presentable blouse that I can borrow from my mom just in case they will be doing interviews face-to-face. They mostly do phone interviews, but I'm not hoping for that.
While applying online, you must choose up to 3-5 jobs you would be interested in doing.
Here is a list of what I chose based on what I really want to do, down towards what would be suitable if I don't get the first role I want:

1. Character Performer
2. Attractions
3. PhotoPass Photographer
4. Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique Hostess
5. Merchandise

If you would like info on all of these roles or more you can check out the Disney College Program here

Well, I'm going to apply now, and may just watch the E-presentation online so when they come I can just enjoy the presentation. Set up an interview and then on April 8th head up to Orlando for my audition and hope that all goes well. I'm really nervous, but reading threads on disboards.com has really helped as well as watching Disney CP vlogs on youtube and keeping up with blogs from actual performers on livejournal! Phew! I'm just going to shake off my nerves now so by the time that I have my interview and audition it will be smooth sailing! Hopefully I'll get that "Purple Folder" :]