Winter days..

I just realized that time is passing by so quickly and I'm feeling so alone already. I hate knowing that after these couple of weeks of being with Matt are going to soon be only a memory. Kind of like how Christmas is. An anti-climatic celebration of happiness, but I don't feel so happy for some reason. I've suddenly caved into my own hole, I'm surprised though because I've been so happy for the past month. And now I'm so emotional that it's driving me crazy. Maybe it's because the year is going to end and I have to be afraid of the future as I get older like a silly little kid. Ugh, I honestly shouldn't be so selfish. I hate just thinking about the things that make me sad because it makes me more sad. I'm thankful for the friends I've got and the most amazing boyfriend with a loving family that adores me. I've got it all, and the perfect parents that love me so much as well. And to show them how much I love them so, I got them [well, Shawn and I] 8Gb ipod nano's which was pretty sweet. I felt really giving this year. It didn't feel like it was all about me, it just felt like I wanted to see the shine in my parent's eyes again. They took us to Disney in the beginning of the month to top Christmas, and it was so damn magical that I felt so happy that I could cry. So, in order to see them really happy, I got them something they didn't expect. But they got me something I didn't expect! Rockband 2. So now my family and I are going to rock out. These are the days I want to cherish for the rest of my life. I love them and I love the people who love me.
Maybe I'm so sad because I miss Neenie so much...well how funny, this day 2 years ago she passed away. And I'm feeling the same way I did that night before she died.
Neenie is Matt's Great Grandma and I loved her to pieces. I just hope she is watching over us...
This year was really sad, so many deaths of people close to us. I just hate it so much. But we have to deal.

I just don't look forward to going to College again all by myself.
I hope I get into UCF, cause I really really want to be with Matt and Cesar and Dexter.

Hopefully I will make the best of this winter break that's left..

Stress relief.

I feel so relaxed...so blessed...so relieved...

All of the secrets I held inside because I realized it was mistakes I made, like when I had a crush on Matt K., and when I started to talk to Josh again- the people that I realized would end up biting me in the ass. I bottled up inside of me, and today I couldn't take it anymore. I fessed up to Matt T. and I told him everything. And it wasn't as bad as I thought because he told me that he was glad that I told him and now it doesn't matter anymore. There are no secrets. No regrets. No nothing. A huge weight lifted from my shoulders and together we can move on and be happy. This made me realize that Matt is the one for me and we belong together.
I'm happy, he's happy, we're happy.



Finally. I feel free yet loved at the same time.

Life is good, Christmas is here and it's time to spend time with the family.

More changing...

What an obnoxious liar. To look at me in the face and to tell me what a great friend I am, and how much I will be missed once he is in Iraq, with stupid tears falling from my eyes. I can't believe I fell for that 'trick', you know the one where your friends tell you how much they care about you, then the next it's like they don't talk to you anymore and you suddenly fell off the face of the earth. And when you DO see them, it's like you don't even exist. So technically what was the point of looking at me and telling me all of those things to me? I know what it is, it's some game life is throwing at me. Important people making me feel important and then being tossed aside like yesterday's old lettuce. I'm pretty much tired of this game; I've tried so hard to be friends again with the ones who just can't seem to connect with me again and I've given up. How many times have I told myself this?! If you aren't in my life now then there is no point in you being in my life in the future. Damn, that's harsh. I'm just so damn frustrated. One minute I feel like I have all of the friends I can handle, and then the next a few slip from my grasp. Maybe something is wrong about me? Maybe there is something about me that no one likes...I could change, yet that defeats the purpose of being me. But I promise I won't cry if I face him again.
And if I want to cry, I'll look towards the one person who looks over me and protects me with his life, Matt, and he will hold me and make me feel better. I don't want to seem selfish but I feel as though I am, and I'm apologizing to myself and to those around me. I'm basically going to have to change, but for the better of myself and my well being. Other than that, I'm pretty much over it.

Overview on the movie Twilight.

I have waited about three years for the novel "Twilight" by Stephenie Meyer to become a live action movie. And here, on November 21, 2008 the wait was officially over. I didn't decide to see the movie on opening night due to the fact that I was already annoyed over fanatic girls screaming over a fictional character that they just read in the same book. This annoyance only overcame me because Twilight was never popular, I felt as though it was an "underground" novel where there were a few thousand girls across the globe that were falling in love with the book and story itself. But soon as the trailers started running and the news hit televisions all over it was a mass spread- like a disease that couldn't be contained. Everywhere I looked there was a Twilight this and a Twilight that. I saw why some people weren't even interested, this movie would be the next Harry Potter. And my friends, although I am a devoted fan of Stephenie Meyer from day one this movie does not even compare to a Harry Potter movie.
I was completely disappointed that the movie wasn't as thorough as the book was. (Then again, books are always better than movies and who ever wrote the script had to turn a 700 page book into a 180 page script)
Besides that little flaw, the movie was actually good. They could have chosen better actors and actresses to play the part, but the way they portrayed Bella Swan and Edward Cullen's personalities, I swear it was like watching my imagination come to life right in front of me on screen. It was quite impressive, besides the fact that Matt had to point out about 10 times that Robert Pattinson was wearing lipstick the whole time that had me laughing.
I'll say that it wasn't a big waste of time and a movie I am definitely going to see again and again and own when out on dvd.

I would go into greater detail about the movie but I have to study for my final that is in about 14 hours.

Much Love! <3