Thoughtful..

Mood: Reflective sadness.
Music: Jessica Simpson- We might as well be making love

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Here is a more formal story to my day.
It basically consisted of work, studying and rain walking.

I've been sick since 2 days ago, but now my sore throat is gone, but my head is still spinning, sneezing has took place and the misery will soon follow after.
Besides this weird sickness that randomly came over me I have come to find something new I love.
There is something about singing that puts me in a new state of mind.
I'm loving every part of it because maybe that is what also help put my throat to rest.
And the fact that gum and mouth wash is the glory of all things..
I'm glad to at least be functioning tonight because last night I was really out of it.
Yesterday, I got super lucky that my English teacher didn't want to teach our class and sent us home early. So I drove home when the sun was still out at least...
Matt came over later that night to hang out with me. After giving me a bunch of Adam's Spider-man Comics we watched the David Letterman show, Family Guy, American Dad and then we watched my favorite show, True Blood. All on MY TV! :]
The episode was kind of gay because now it took a turning point of slowness.
I was really sick so Matt made me take Tylonol PM. Uh Oh, that knocked me out for the night. After my show ended he helped me brush my teeth [not really] and kind of tucked me into bed, I got up and locked the door. But I passed out after he called me and told me he was home.
That was a nice sleep at least...

Only to wake up and have to go to work, which I did.
It went by pretty fast cause I talked to Shawn the majority of the day about life and the way Laser Quest fundraises.
It was pretty cool, afterwards I went home and took my brother to his job and then went to class.
It sucked so much, pouring rain came down and flooded out the entire parking lot in front of the Performing Arts building. And since I was wearing a long skirt and flats, I had to think of something fast.
So, I pulled on my hoodie and took off my flats, stuffed them in my small bag and took my notes and shoved everything as well in my small bag and grabbed my umbrella. I strolled across the parking lot with my feet swishing through the cold water. It felt good even though I knew my feet would be dirty. That's why I took tissues with me to dry my feet, which I did.
My test took about 30 minutes to finish because Mr. Joseph did it as a group test.
Kind of odd and weird to explain it.

After my test I called Matt and headed over to his house [which was the longest drive of my life] for Rosh Hashana dinner. Once I got there there was so much stuff going on but it was pretty cool. I think his Dad is happy every time I step foot in the house, he's always smiling when he sees me. That makes me super happy to know I'm loved :D
Mike, Matt and I sat next to each other, with me in the middle when we had a long discussion with Matt's cousin, Lauren about a boy from our old high school named, Alan. Then we talked about the meaning of "Meandering" lol
That conversation was the funniest. Mike is way too funny, lol.
I think that conversation ended dinner. Mike and I made an agreement that Matt would be his at 9:30, but time went by way too fast and Mike and Matt started to play Halo 3, while I went on Matt's computer sifting through old pictures of me and him from when we first started dating..
There was so many different memories going through my head and I smiled the whole time.
I've come a long way when it came to Photography and our relationship. And the way I've changed. I feel so different. I feel like I'm someone new.
I love it. But at the same time I'm sad about it.


Oh well,
Anyways, Azzy kept on texting me and calling me. I complained to Matt about how it was really bothering me that he now was starting to act like he owned me and that pissed Matt off a lot that he called Azzy back [not being an asshole though] and said "Can you back off a little because Dom asked me to call you and tell you that. She can talk to you about this when SHE is ready, you don't need to be on her for anything." - That's all I heard but basically Azzy was being really pushy about me not talking to him so Matt kind of had to put him in his place. I did it really cause I texted him and told him to just back off and be my friend.
After our conversation he understood and we made an agreement to talk about our lives and have a better understanding of each other that way we can be better friends.
It's kind of weird but it seems to be working that way. And besides I have class with him tomorrow so we'll see how it goes.

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I suddenly feel so overwhelmed again with emotions.
Emotions that are basically a waste of my time.

Sometimes I find myself sitting on my floor, my head leaning against my bedroom wall above my bedroom window listening to Jessica Simpson's new CD.
This one song in particular makes me sing from my heart along with her..
called, "When I loved you like that"
It brings me back, way back to so many emotions. And a part of me wished I didn't have to feel it.
Now I'm sad because I wish Matt were here to just stay and keep me company.
It's so hard to be alone and on my own, I used to want to be free and learn how to love others.
I have learned that I can't deal with it, I can't fake myself and try hard to not make things awkward between me and a new person. It's hard to learn how to ease into a relationship again. But then, I could not help the one thing that was forever raging within me. It was my feelings and my love grew way too much when the other didn't grow so fast. Which was what made my fall harder than normal.
I had cried and lied to Matt about how I felt, and the reasons why I cried so much when the truth was behind my lips and through songs that reminded me of those times.
Now with him by my side it's easy to forget, but when alone I am reminded and it just bothers me so much..
Because that song "When I loved you like that" plays..
I just relive it over and over again. -Sometimes I wish you knew how I felt, and how I still feel.
Maybe time will tell how this fire in me will die slowly.
I want it to die so badly, I bet yours died already.
But I treasure so many people in so many ways, so my Gem can't be melted that easily.