I need a You & I day.

"Lay in bed with the TV on, all day long if you wanted to.."

-Jessica Simpson's "You're My Sunday"

I feel like I'm being toyed with...
one minute I'm put together and then the next I'm just all over the place. Life is seriously taking its toll, yet a part of me is in god awful wonder. There is so much to say but not enough time nor can I find the words to speak of what I want to say.
I wish there could be a way to zap memories from my brain willingly rather than get in an accident and have amnesia.
I'm not liking this point in time right now and it's going to take awhile to get accustomed to it, or maybe it's going to annoy me till I can run away.
What I really want to do to get the message out and thrown across the table, so I found away I can express myself and that is through my new found love for music and singing.
I've been writing how I've been feeling lately and I want to make them into poems, songs and then soon sing them out loud and record it.
Maybe the pain is still in my veins and I want to cry all the time. I just want a hug and a smile and a way to make it all go away. Placing a wall between us, that I've been doing isn't working and it's only making the pain worse. Now it's hard to be away from you and it can't be that way.
I have someone and I can't hurt them again, but my heart is tearing itself apart and I just wish I could scream and fight and want you to see me but it won't work.
Every time I think of you, it used to be easy to forget but the pain is working it's way back to my heart.
If I didn't fall in love with you then things would have been easier to forget.