More changing...

What an obnoxious liar. To look at me in the face and to tell me what a great friend I am, and how much I will be missed once he is in Iraq, with stupid tears falling from my eyes. I can't believe I fell for that 'trick', you know the one where your friends tell you how much they care about you, then the next it's like they don't talk to you anymore and you suddenly fell off the face of the earth. And when you DO see them, it's like you don't even exist. So technically what was the point of looking at me and telling me all of those things to me? I know what it is, it's some game life is throwing at me. Important people making me feel important and then being tossed aside like yesterday's old lettuce. I'm pretty much tired of this game; I've tried so hard to be friends again with the ones who just can't seem to connect with me again and I've given up. How many times have I told myself this?! If you aren't in my life now then there is no point in you being in my life in the future. Damn, that's harsh. I'm just so damn frustrated. One minute I feel like I have all of the friends I can handle, and then the next a few slip from my grasp. Maybe something is wrong about me? Maybe there is something about me that no one likes...I could change, yet that defeats the purpose of being me. But I promise I won't cry if I face him again.
And if I want to cry, I'll look towards the one person who looks over me and protects me with his life, Matt, and he will hold me and make me feel better. I don't want to seem selfish but I feel as though I am, and I'm apologizing to myself and to those around me. I'm basically going to have to change, but for the better of myself and my well being. Other than that, I'm pretty much over it.