Broken in Two.

Loss.
I feel like I'm going through what I did a year ago, and I am. I can't deal with these emotions and feelings of despair anymore. All of my despair 5 years ago would have lead to uneventful destructive behavior. Right now all of my destructive behavior runs like scenes over and over in my mind. Why? Well, every time I am hurt I want people to eat their words and feel regret. Selfish right? Perhaps so, but it's the way we human beings are. But no one wants to feel the actual loss, it's a pain unbearable when you can never see someone you love ever, ever again. Every day is painful and you swear it's all a terrible dream. But you can't wake from it.
How can you just walk away without understanding or knowing or wondering?
One simple dishonest answer is natural in human beings. No one is out to get anyone and you can't expect honesty in everyone.
Since you no longer wish to speak to me or see me physically, I can only resort to these words on your computer screen. Hopefully this will reach to you somewhere, where ever you may be on this stormy night...

Happiness. That's all I can say, that's all I felt when you were with me. I loved hugging you, I felt like I was being sent to another place inside of my heart. I never felt like that before in my life. You were my shining light.
My explanation for my negative behavior had to do with the negativity of life. I wanted to live in my own bubble where we were locked away with no need of leaving each other.
It was so painful for you to leave the last time I saw you. I tried to tell you how afraid I was because I didn't know what was wrong with me. I started to feel like my world was crumbling underneath me and no one was there to catch me before the fall.
I didn't go to you, and you were right, I should have gone to you, but you were so busy with your own worries why should I burden you with more unnecessary stress? So, off you left and who would have known that that would have been the last time I'd ever see you again.

As I slip back into my own thoughts, my own world, my only lonesome and depressed world, I'll just stay and wait until the wind whisks me away from this very spot.

I'll always find a way to keep you right here waiting, I'll find the words to say to keep you right here waiting.

Forever more,

xoxo,

domi