One Giant post of Stress.

I am completely and utterly paranoid; it’s as if I think the entire world is against me. And it quite possibly could be. I can’t go on each day without feeling depressed or any other possible worse feeling ever. I feel like I screwed myself up with lowering my GPA all thanks to Statistics. I blame myself for never applying myself and now I have a fear I won’t end up either at UF or UCF. I feel like a senior all over again and I hate it. If I want to talk about how I feel I can’t because again I feel like no one would care to listen or even want to know how I’m feeling. I’ve never felt like this before and it’s driving me insane. Sometimes I think I need a therapist because I can’t get a grip on feeling comfortable with myself and all I want to do is cry because everyone else is abandoning me.
If anyone can give me a good therapist I am going to need it and I hope they are free. I don’t have the money to be spending on talking about my problems when I think all I need is someone to talk to me and listen to me.
Even writing this blog I feel guilty for the way I feel, the way I complain and I know I shouldn’t.
I even experienced my first panic attack this past Sunday. I swore I was dying but I was fighting myself to not faint and at which one point I just did on my bed and had to calm myself down by sleeping it off. I swear I am going through my midlife crisis already and I haven’t even turned 21 yet! I need to stop worrying what to do and how I am going to get through life because I just need to go with the flow with the decisions I make and that’s that.
I just wish that things were a bit easier…
I know I can make it easier for myself, I just need to learn how to sort out my life.